How to Deal With Family Drama During the Holidays
Whether it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas, these tips will teach you how to deal with Family Drama During the Holidays.
The holidays should bring the warm and fuzzies, but for others, like me, it brings me stress and frustration.
Nasty family members who know how to push your buttons will ruin your holiday in just a few moves, but the goal is to find ways that will protect your wellbeing and give you the self care you need to survive the holiday season.
Table of Contents Show
Understand What Triggers You
Look, we all have triggers. They grow just like our minds and bodies do over time. But instead of becoming wiser or wrinklier, they become the equivalent of Kill Bill’s Five Point Exploding Heart Technique. One move is guaranteed to kill your vibe.
The mastery of owning your triggers starts with knowing the who, what, when, where, why, and how. I’m not just talking about a five-minute dear diary session. I’m talking about calling the people who push these buttons and noting the physical response and feelings that begin to bubble up when you’re speaking to them.
What is it about them?
What is it about what they say?
What memories fill up your mind?
Why do their words hurt more?
Using this list as a guide, you’re able to work on yourself and change how you respond when these feelings rise up again.
Subconscious Reprogramming
Now that you know your triggers, you can learn to reprogram how you respond to these situations.
Did you know that the way we respond to uncomfortable situations today, is a reaction we learned from the ages of 0-7?
Yup!
If you ever get the urge to cry when someone is belittling you, it’s probably because that was your defense mechanism from when you were five years old and the Babysitter said you were “stupid.”
Of course, that isn’t true, you were simply unaware that attempting the big-kid monkey bars would lead to you falling and breaking your arm. (True story and I have a 4 inch caterpillar-like scar to prove it).
Now that we have our core memory, we’re able to rewrite it in a dream-like meditation.
Imagine the situation again, and recreate the event so that you’re feeling confident, smart, etc.
Once you find a way that makes you feel like the powerful badass you are, you’ll feel a shift inside that will make it easier to deal with family drama.
The even that made you feel small and stupid and make you want to cry suddenly
Set & Maintain Boundaries
Getting clear on what your boundaries are will make it easier for you to set and maintain boundaries.
Whether it's just taking a break from your friend for a few weeks or leaving the room when THAT family member is about to say some hurtful things- you need to do it.
It’s not going to be forever, but you do what you have to until you have entirely accepted who you are and realize that YOU decide who and what will impact your lives.
It’s not rude. These are boundaries.
Be Aware of Alcohol consumption.
If you or your family can get overly emotional during the holidays, it might be time to rethink beverages or other substances associated with having a good time.
In my family, alcohol makes everything worse, and it is always the number one reason why family drama begins.
If you’re already feeling the tension, you might want to opt-out of a drink and grab something without alcohol or a CBD gummy that will make things much more relaxed.
Meditate or Breathe
If CBD isn’t your thing, regular meditation practice or breathing will help release tension from family drama. There is power in meditation. It allows you to relax when everything else is telling you to run.
Taking at least one minute to breathe can completely change how you feel and calm your nervous system, which we all need, especially if we overproduce hormones.
Allow yourself to Feel Emotions
If you feel like crying or yelling, the best response is to let it out. Allowing yourself to feel emotions and express them is your body’s natural therapeutic response. If you feel it, let it happen!
You’ll feel so much better, and you won’t have any pent-up emotions living in your body, causing more stress later in life.
Yell into the pillows, cry in the shower, let whatever you’re feeling run through you and this will make it easier to deal with family drama.
Call Someone and Vent
If you don’t have ruby shoes like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, calling a friend during Thanksgiving may be your next best bet to make it out of a family shit show.
When I call my BFF, I feel like I’m physically transported onto her couch and laughing. I can tell her everything that is getting on my nerves, and it instantly makes the situation much more doable.
Pick up the phone, and text 911 to your BFF and let them know that you need to vent. (It’s always important to check to see if they’re emotionally available for a vent sesh too **cough** cuz you know, boundaries!).
Remember You’ll Make It Through.
I know sometimes it feels like we won’t make it through, but that’s why I like to make a list of all the times I have made it through the awkwardness, the nastiness, and inconsiderate times with parents or siblings.
Allowing myself to think of those times reminds me of my strength, but also allows me to calm down. Both are imperative for when mom or dad comment on your looks or lack of stupid patriarchal milestones that begin with the question “when are you going to…”.
Cringe + Big EYE ROLL
But cue in your reminders of strength, take a couple of deep breaths, and you’re one moment closer to the end of the holiday.
Here’s a personal story about how I’m dealing with not meeting society’s expectations as a woman.
Skip the Family Holiday Festivities
Last, but not least, if your family holidays aren’t healthy for your mental or emotional wellbeing, you’re always allowed to skip them. You’re allowed to take care of yourself first, and sometimes staying away from the drama is the best way to deal with the family drama.
Sure family members might be hurt, but that’s not your burden to carry. Once you’re in a better space you can always go back next year, and hopefully you all can learn to respect each other.
Hopefully these tips were helpful this holiday season. If not, you can always just pick up and go somewhere that doesn’t celebrate holidays!
How do you handle the Family Holiday Drama? Share your tips down below!
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